IF YOU WANT TO CATCH A BIRD...

- DON'T BUILD A TRAP...BUILD A NEST.

a wise friend told me that once. well, this is my 'nest'. it's back in Ohio where i'm originally from, and it's the first house i've ever owned. i bought this place to be close to old pals & family, have a decent place to work, investment/retirement (i call it Dun Giggen!) ...and maybe, just maybe...catch me a bird.

In general, tho, i've never had much truck with this cosmic, spiritual crap, but i will swear on a stack o' Bibles, Korans & Torahs that in 1989, i saw a ghost in a Parisian hotel room at 3am.

really.

which brings up the subject of hauntings. you see, this house has a bit of a history, and some real nasty shit happened here a long time ago (a discussion for another time...but only if you're very, very good boys & girls). i took possession on Dec. 21st, '05...and another wise friend commented yesterday about that other type of 'possession' in regards to an awful row with an O.O.M.A..

i am prone to feelings of abandonment due to my fucked-upbringing (and being a grownup demands that one deal with that stuff square on) but considering that i'm in the middle of a divorce, am trying to live both in Ohio and the NYC area at the same time, my 85-year-old mother ain't doing so hot and that i've got a form of bladder cancer...i think i'm doing rather well under the circustances. but ever since i moved in here, those feelings of abandonment and "separation anxiety" have become more and more intense. A + "s. a." = RAGE, and no apologies for feeling it. i can cope (until i can't) with a lot of bad behavior from people, but take me for granted/not make time for me/blow me off/etc. ... and i get justifiably and royally pissed. mea culpa, of course, tho there are good, solid, real-life reasons for this (see all of the above) vs. going off into Hoodooland. the house is also in the goddam woods...i should be surprised that it can get a little lonely? i am also totally unsophisticated and inexperienced re: The Mating Dance...can't blame a fuckin' house for that, can ya? but loneliness and abandonment and rage and the denial of love led to real horror here...is it still in the walls?...hiding under the bed? In the comode, most likely. and is my 'no apologies for anger' policy just playing into the hands of some evil haint? i've been told by many a well-meaner that i should have the house 'cleaned'.

dunno...it couldn't hurt.

still waiting for that bunch of sage i was promised, O.O.M.A..

NP - Kinks/"I'm Not Like Anybody Else" on infinite repeat...tho maybe it should be Bauhaus' "Dark Entries"

PEEVE DE JOUR: the calendar sez Spring, but the Weatherman sez snow...