OPERATION 'COON
Chris Butler vs. Mother Nature: Round 2. last time it was hawk attacks - this time it's...
WRECKY RACOON!
"hey CB...HG here. stopped by your house today, and i was wondering why it was such a mess?"
"mess? i left it all neat and tidy!"
"well...the sound rugs are off the windows, the house plants look like they've been harvested by Visigoths...and hey!...a corner of the rehearsal room has been dug up"
...and thus i learned - while 3,000 miles away - that i had been invaded by/violated by another one of Mother Nature's best havoc-reakers - a raccoon. apparently, the bastard had forced open a window (left ajar as a mold-provention strategy) and enjoyed a 3-day bender at Chez Moi.
CSI - Coon Scene Investigation:
what you ain't seeing is that this pic shows the top of a TV. Wrecky Raccoon's first meal was every audio & video cable stashed behind the set. so - wild creature leaves lush woods filled with yummy munchies to...dine on rubber insulation?
"HG here. yeah...you definitely have a creature inside your pad. i think it's in your equipment storage room - i heard some scurrying in there."
"uh...i'm on play-cation in Las Vegas...how the fuck can i...? hold on...let me try to call some Akron critter wranglers."
meanwhile, Day 2 - Wrecky Raccoon get's hungry (after already pissing and shitting all over the place...or rather in secret places i am just beginning to discover), and goes after the houseplants:
early harvest...
(aside: i have often commented in this blog on my Black Thumb...my unintended, but lethal relationship with anything agrarian. i tried to head off the inevitable by keeping a few tomato, pepper & herb plants safely INSIDE in a greenhouse/sunroom area. it has now been proven that i cannot protect anything green under ANY circumstances. so - wild creature leaves lush woods filled with yummy munchies to...dine on anemic Hungarian pepper sprouts?)
"HG again. it looks like the critter tried to dig it's way out..."
so - wild creature leaves wide-open woods to...try to dig thru a foot of drywall, brick and cement block?
"HG again. so...any luck with getting a pest remover?"
"no...three answering machines. look, here's what i want you to do. get some bacon and cheese and leave it in front of the storage room door, then leave more leading to the outside living room door. get some flour and spread it on the pathway...footprints will let us know if it took the hint."
...and four hours later, the footprints in the flour indicate that it did - the footprints lead out to the deck and down the stairs.
HG - The Great Ridderator hisseff:
so what have we learned from this experience, boys & girls?
1) Mother Nature is stoopid. critter preferred chewing on electronic cables vs. enjoying a bowl of peaches left on the kitchen counter, or a slice of toast left in the toaster.
2) there is no such thing as "vacation".
Case Closed.
Fin.
The End.
except...
"HG one more time. do you know there is mouse shit all over your kitchen?"
sigh.
NP: you know it has to be "Rocky Raccoon", but the head is buzzing with the toon i'm working on for the Canadian documentary.
PEEVE DE JOUR: no gurlie action...
JOIE DE JOUR: toon is done...and the Cannucks like it!
ROSATI'S FLAVOR-OF-THE-DAY:
(Sept. 5th )
Peanut Butter
Cup
cb...where are you?
OHIO
WRECKY RACOON!
"hey CB...HG here. stopped by your house today, and i was wondering why it was such a mess?"
"mess? i left it all neat and tidy!"
"well...the sound rugs are off the windows, the house plants look like they've been harvested by Visigoths...and hey!...a corner of the rehearsal room has been dug up"
...and thus i learned - while 3,000 miles away - that i had been invaded by/violated by another one of Mother Nature's best havoc-reakers - a raccoon. apparently, the bastard had forced open a window (left ajar as a mold-provention strategy) and enjoyed a 3-day bender at Chez Moi.
CSI - Coon Scene Investigation:
what you ain't seeing is that this pic shows the top of a TV. Wrecky Raccoon's first meal was every audio & video cable stashed behind the set. so - wild creature leaves lush woods filled with yummy munchies to...dine on rubber insulation?
"HG here. yeah...you definitely have a creature inside your pad. i think it's in your equipment storage room - i heard some scurrying in there."
"uh...i'm on play-cation in Las Vegas...how the fuck can i...? hold on...let me try to call some Akron critter wranglers."
meanwhile, Day 2 - Wrecky Raccoon get's hungry (after already pissing and shitting all over the place...or rather in secret places i am just beginning to discover), and goes after the houseplants:
early harvest...
(aside: i have often commented in this blog on my Black Thumb...my unintended, but lethal relationship with anything agrarian. i tried to head off the inevitable by keeping a few tomato, pepper & herb plants safely INSIDE in a greenhouse/sunroom area. it has now been proven that i cannot protect anything green under ANY circumstances. so - wild creature leaves lush woods filled with yummy munchies to...dine on anemic Hungarian pepper sprouts?)
"HG again. it looks like the critter tried to dig it's way out..."
so - wild creature leaves wide-open woods to...try to dig thru a foot of drywall, brick and cement block?
"HG again. so...any luck with getting a pest remover?"
"no...three answering machines. look, here's what i want you to do. get some bacon and cheese and leave it in front of the storage room door, then leave more leading to the outside living room door. get some flour and spread it on the pathway...footprints will let us know if it took the hint."
...and four hours later, the footprints in the flour indicate that it did - the footprints lead out to the deck and down the stairs.
HG - The Great Ridderator hisseff:
so what have we learned from this experience, boys & girls?
1) Mother Nature is stoopid. critter preferred chewing on electronic cables vs. enjoying a bowl of peaches left on the kitchen counter, or a slice of toast left in the toaster.
2) there is no such thing as "vacation".
Case Closed.
Fin.
The End.
except...
"HG one more time. do you know there is mouse shit all over your kitchen?"
sigh.
NP: you know it has to be "Rocky Raccoon", but the head is buzzing with the toon i'm working on for the Canadian documentary.
PEEVE DE JOUR: no gurlie action...
JOIE DE JOUR: toon is done...and the Cannucks like it!
ROSATI'S FLAVOR-OF-THE-DAY:
(Sept. 5th )
Peanut Butter
Cup
cb...where are you?
OHIO
posted by CBeezwax at 11:58 AM
1 Comments:
that's right!
eeeeewwwwwww!
cb
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