Monday, June 05, 2006

MONDAY MEDS: Cyclonic Reaction/PART 7

- another installment chronicling my banged-up bod.














in this case, how i busted my back on Coney Island's Cyclone roller coaster and became instantly old.


RECOVERY AND RETRIBUTION:

I had been wearing my back brace for about 5 months by now, and the steady achethrob in the middle of my back had shifted from ICAN’TBELIEVEIHAVETODEALWITHTHIS to thisiswhat’day’feelslike. I could not take anymore time off being a lay-around invalid, and had to just go do what needed to be done…which included playing a drum gig at a benefit (NB: a back brace is not an attractive fashion accessory, and will not get you laid). I had started a course of back recovery exercises at the local Y (which I still do to this day), and that had helped some…tho the biggest, most lasting benefit was acquiring a used exercise mat ($5) that I had ‘til I lost it in my divorce.

I had finally managed to extract a pile of relevant information from the NYC Building Department, plus had sussed out the following:

- lots of injuries on The Cyclone, with lots of out-of-court settlements

- one recent death of a drunken jerk who got tossed out on one of the sharper curves ‘cause he decided he could stand up for the entire ride

- another person had been injured on the same day – a woman had her neck wrenched whiplash style, and had gone public with her injury.

I had gone public, too: a well-meaning friend was a reporter on CNBC, and had sold her producer on my story…but when it was broadcast, I just came across as a pitiful loser. Which was fair since I was a pitiful loser…there was no real case here that would interest even the greediest ambulance-chasing shyster.

Finally, after major digging, I had found out the name of the insurance company that covered the ride. The agent I spoke with sounded like he was reading from a prepared script (like a telemarketer) – I imagine they had the rap down, since so many people got banged up on this thing and had to be Dealt With In A Professional Manner:

“Mr. Butler, you…”

a) must have been careless
b) must have had a pre-existing back problem

- if the answer is a):

“You are responsible for your own behavior, and under the Doctrine of Assumed Risk, you waived your right to compensation when you chose to ride the Cyclone full-knowing there was a potential for injury”

- if the answer is b):

“You are responsible for your own behavior, and under the Doctrine of Assumed Risk, you waived your right to compensation when you chose to ride the Cyclone full-knowing there was a potential for injury”

- if the caller becomes indignant/angry/hostile:

“You have our deepest sympathy, but you are responsible for your own behavior, and under the Doctrine of Assumed Risk, you waived your right to compensation when you chose to ride the Cyclone full-knowing there was a potential for injury”

- if the caller threatens to call his mob-connected Uncle Frank and have the agent’s legs broken:

“I understand your frustration, but you are responsible for your own behavior, and under the Doctrine of Assumed Risk, you waived your right to compensation when you chose to ride the Cyclone full-knowing there was a potential for injury”

- if the caller seems honest about their injury, and/or is asking for a minimal amount of compensation and just reimbursement of their medical expenses…and this is at least their 10th call:

SETTLE.

…which is what happened, with my signing a release against all future legal action blah-blah-blah.

POSTSCRIPT

I am typing this on a Powerbook G4 in a bent-over position. I can do a few sentences at a time, then have to straighten up in my chair to clear the knot that gathers mid-spine. I am an inch-and-a-half shorter. My jacket size has gone from a 36R to a 40, due to my rib cage being pushed forward. I can kill the vibe at parties - when us old farts start talking illness and health issues, no one can top this story.

Oh well…as HG sez…”he who dies with the most anecdotes, wins…”

NP: it doesn't matter...the sound of a heart breaking drowns out eveything else...

PEEVE DE JOUR: Life Rule #36 - Nice guys finish last, because if one is honest about one's vulnerability & fragility, there will always be a woman around who will revel in exploiting it.

N.B.A.T.W.P: from Mike Faloon:

I've got new material and I'd greatly appreciate your
feedback. (High brow version: it's all about the role
that shame plays in my family. Low brow version: it's
all about crap and vomit.) But rather than ask all of
you to come way up here to Brewster, I'm going to come
down your way.

They call it a "reading," and it'll be in
Williamsburg, which is all the rage, and it will be
part of The Perpetual Motion Roadshow, which also
finds itself worthy of "rage" status in certain
circles. The details are below. Good times, no
cover. Join us, won't you?

Hope to see you there,
Mike Faloon

w/Jennifer Whiteford, Daniel Trese, Jeff Cottrill
Tuesday, June 20
7:30
Galapagos Art Space
70 North 6th Street
Williamsburg

More info at: http://www.perpetualmotionroadshow.com/

ROSATI'S FLAVOR-OF-THE-DAY:

June 5TH = BLACK RASPBERRY CHIP


http://www.rosatisfrozencustard.com/

cb...WHERE ARE YOU?




OHIO

4 Comments:

Blogger The Dollimama said...

...(whining)...will you take us to rosati's some nice warm evening? we can drive in the beetle convertible with the top down...please?? h+d

5:10 PM  
Blogger CBeezwax said...

absolutely!

...but only if you're bothh very, very good.

cb

7:06 PM  
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9:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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1:27 PM  

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