Friday, September 29, 2006

PAINSYLVANIA














Superintendent of Public Works
Department of Highways
Harrisburg, PA

To Whom It May Concern,

Please find enclosed an invoice for $500, which represents your financial responsibility for the almost 3 hours of my life that i will never get back due to I-80 being shutdown on 9/28/06 from roughly 5:00pm to 8:45PM. i am billing you at my standard hourly rate ($100 an hour), plus $195 for gas/food/cellphone calls, etc. the last $5 is for the nitrogen-rich, better-than-Miracle-Gro urine i deposited on the median strip.

Tho i'm sure your duties in Harrisburg take all your time and that you don't get out much, but the problem occured at about Mile Post 90. and i'm sure you are aware of this construction area - since it was there before your watch, and most likely will outlast your tenure, as nothing every gets finished on I-80. please also note that there was no information given to the hundreds (maybe thousands?) of cars and trucks effected by this incident. your "tune into 1120AM for highway update" alert system was not activated, nor did the local radio stations have any information on this roadblock's cause. but a trucker with a CB radio told me the following - accurate or not, the story goes as follows: apparently, one of your workers had a difference of opinion with their supervisor, and his or her's reaction was to take a steamroller, wedge it across the flow of traffic and walk off the job...taking the keys to the steamroller with them. So as not to appear entirely negative, i suggest that this worker not only be reinstated, but be paid a bonus for his or her's creativity: it kind of proves the point that even the dullest, most brian-numbing job can inspire thinking outside the box. I confess that i have bad-mouthed Pennsylvania for years, but i believe this type of free thinking deserves special merit.

Please also note that i expect payment within 10 business days, or i shall contact my attorney and take whatever action is necessary to resolve this issue.

Sincerely,

Christopher Butler
Hoboken, NJ



NP: "Dragster Beach"/from Ted k'niF's teach CDR.

PEEVE DE JOUR: turns out i left my credit card at Corcoran Gallery.

JOI DE JOUR: IOJ's siblings are finally starting to lend a hand with their ailing Dad. a friend in dire need of employment found a potentially great job. payday (of sorts) for CB. phew...a day of relief all around.

GOTH-TUME DE JOUR:














ROSATI'S FLAVOR-OF-THE-DAY:

(Sept. 30th)

Peppermint Stick

OR

Reese's Pieces


cb...where are you?






NEW JERSEY

4 Comments:

Blogger Harvey Gold said...

GREAT STORY.

btw, when a woman of a certain age group (Dolli) tells you she really likes a particular Gothtume you posted and only wished she could do it justice, and your response is:

" pshaw - you could definintely pull off the BAT NECKLACE no problem!"

while I think your heart was way in the right place, this response placed your title of "Mr. Silky Smooth" is serious jeopardy.

And then I laughed hard again.

1:10 PM  
Blogger CBeezwax said...

????????

10:37 PM  
Blogger Onus Foist said...

Dear Mr. Butler,
Thank you for your entry in our WFBI "Find the traffic jam" contest. Unfortunately for you, you were not the first to report this week's "Mystery Jam". Please play again, and attached please find a ticket for public urination, (public ordinance 457590-(A)). Remit $500 before October 5 to avoid a wiretap.
Sincerely,
Dick

2:05 AM  
Anonymous Roger Bob said...

Greatest traffic jam letter ever

10:16 AM  

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