MONDAY MEDS - MASCULINE 'ENHANCEMENT'

- another installment chronicling my banged-up bod.













...so i find myself single after 24 years in a monogamous relationship. excitement/fear/more excitement/horny (the last six years of that 'relationship' was as lovelesssexless as it is possible to be).

so i take stock: i have had one lover for 24 years. i don't remmber/know The Dance. i don't know the rules. i don't know the lingo..."dating"?..."going out"?,,,"fuck buddy"?..."seeing somebody"?...might as well be Chinese. this is not a case of being merely out of practice...it is suddenly finding oneself mind-set time-shifted to 1979...which also feels like being a clumsy, pimply high school sophomore with NO swagger/chops/skills/nerve/nothing...

and then there is the question of after six years of famine & and being 57 years old...will i even be able to function in the requisite manner when called upon? 'no worries, man...' a friend sez, 'it's like ridding a bicycle'.

um...no it's not.

...so i see the ads on the TV with their smiling women/smug men all innuendonudgenudgewinkwink. i see the warnings of ifanerectionlastslongerthan4hoursgototheemergencyroom (yeah, right!)

...so i go see my GP, and get some samples of all the available wanggerdaggerkeeperuppers that have come on the market while i was otherwise engaged. and begin a scientific method Case Study of these products with a ridiculously little sample base of one (me) with the following baseline:

1) i love women.

2) i love sex.

3) i vaguely remember being a dirty young man - now i am determined to be a dirty old man.

4) i'm an American = don't ask me to 'do' anything...just give me a pill.

GENERAL RESULTS:

- they all work...or do they? how much is psychological? since 99% of the dealio is the enthusiasm of one's partner/the passion for which one feels for said partner...what's chemical and what's emotional?

- big surprise/Unintended Consequences Dept. - some partners are offended that they can't stimulate you enough/resent the fact that you-plus-them would even require a pill.

- remember when Freixenet came on the market? eveyone tried it - cheap champagne! - only to find out that it was 'a headache in a bottle'. same with these little pills. thumpthudthump. cured with an Exedrin (which also thins the blood/increases blood flow = see above re: effectiveness).

- the cost approaches that of 24k gold or a barrel of sweet crude oil. the pharmas are laffing at us poor insecure males all the way to the money bins.

- The Fletcher's Castoria Conundrum comes into play - as with prunes, are five too many?...are two too few? in other words, what's the dose? fuck the instructions - they are written by lawyers to avoid litigation & advertisers to reinforce The Con, and have no Real World application.

THE VERDICT:

Viagra - thumpthudthumpthumpthudthumpthumpthudthump...produces a real skull-cracker. does the job/slow acting/long lasting/ol' reliable.

Cialis - wins the tongue-in-check/'our market is former pothead hippies crashing into middle age, so let's have a sense of humor about this, shall we?' award = "one pill makes you larger"..."go see Alice" (get it?). top contender.

Levitra - these people will die painfully in hell. why? picture this: a lovely, willing woman in the next room while you try to get the damn pill out of a form of packaging that was originally designed to encapsulate plutonium. then you decide you need a knife to cut the thing open,, and so stumble into the kitchen (in the dark), reach into a drawer (in the dark), prick you finger as you reach for said knife (in the dark)....and after another ten minutes of whittling away at the packaging, the pill is STILL wrapped in some kind of inpenetrable plastic wrapping. thanks Bayer...like i'll even buy your aspirin again?????

NP: "The Lost Patrol"/two new songs that my kid likes, too

PEEVE DE JOUR: tomorrow i get rotator cuff repair surgery...and another Monday Meds story to tell.

ROSATTI'S FLAVOR-OF-THE-DAY"

(July 31st)

Peanut Butter -n- Jelly

cb...where are you?






NEW JERSEY

HALF CLEVELAND IN HOBO TONIGHT!

In The City...



where we killed last nite...were you there?

... and Hoboken!!




WE'S A ROCK BAND!!

Sat. July 29th at The Goldhawk

http://www.thegoldhawk.com
936 Park Avenue, Hoboken
8-10PM

HALF CLEVELAND:

Chris Butler (Tin Huey, The Waitresses)
Harvey Gold (Tin Huey)
Debbie Smith (Chi-Pig)
'Bongo' Bob Ethington (Tin Huey, Unit 5)

It'll be a bit before we get a chance to get together again!! We wanna seeya!!

da halves

www.tinhuey.com


NP: Soft Machine Third

PEEVE DE JOUR: life

ROSATTI'S FLAVOR-OF-THE-DAY:

(July 28th)

Butterfinger

cb...where are you?

NEW JERSEY

SURF'S UP! - and now we are three...

THE FIRST ANNUAL
LAKE ERIE
SURF GUITAR
FESTIVAL!



















FRIDAY, JULY 21st

THE LIME SPIDER
207 S. MAIN ST.
DOWNTOWN AKRON, OHIO

http://www.thelimespider.com/main.htm

DOORS OPEN @ 8PM/$5

FLASH! THIRD BAND ADDED!!



9PM

hyper-surf rock from Clevo...just ask Dick Dale!








10 pm

Johnny Teagle: '50's Gretsch 6120 (Walking Clampetts, Lucky Tigers)
Ted Lawrence: '62 Fender Jazzmaster (Supertones, The Human Tornados)
Baker Rorick: '64 Fender Precision Bass (Cool It Reba, The Baxters)
Chris Butler: Premier Drums (Tin Huey, Half Cleveland, The Waitresses)

...in our first area appearance since...well, since we were all born here.

we've been doing this surf band since '92 in the NYC area, and thought it was finally time to bring our brand of Hard Twang home for a show.

- and -







11PM

my NYC pal Steve Massuci brings his "Fellini Beach Party" band for their first Ohio show, too. think Spaghetti Western/Dreamscape/reverb-drenched lusciousness...

http://www.thelostpatrol.com/



NP: "Cowabunga!"/surf comp courtesy of new roomie MB

PEEVE DE JOUR: the restaurants close too early in Akron...a person could starve here...

JOIE DE JOUR: Dun Giggen survived the recent storms. got some yardwork to do, but that's a pleasure...

ROSATTI'S FLAVOR-OF-THE-DAY:

(July 20th)

Peach Melba
(Peach Custard with Raspberries)


cb...where are you?






OHIO

(drive thru PA was actually pleasant this time...no near-death experiences. but $60 in gas, tho. thank you President Stemcellresearchvetoerstoopidchristianasshole.)

from TR in Union City:

Eggs: One. Evacuees: Zero.
by
Phil Lebovits

George W. Bush loves unfertilized, unformed human eggs. If you've got an undifferentiated cell or two and could possibly become a human being despite odds against it of 10-billion to one, our brave Chief Egg-ecutive will be there for you. Heck, he'll fly all the way from Russia so he can protect anything that calls a Petrie dish “home.”

However, if you happen to be a fully-formed human being with billions of functioning cells and luggage hoping to leave Lebanon before your legs are blown off, you gotta wait in line. For days. Maybe a week.

It's not that George Bush doesn't love the evacuees. He does. But he loves those soon-to-be-discarded eggies much much more.

Logic dictates that if you're an egg stuck in Beirut, you probably could get out of Lebanon within hours. A very tiny ship, the size of a thimble, would pick you up for free and treat you to a fun-filled voyage to Cypress. Maybe you could get a massage. And a martini. A passing sperm whale might even wave at you.

The mistake that most Americans hoping to get out of Beirut are making is that they're not eggs. Nor are they willing to become eggs. What a blunder! Had they paid any attention to our President over the past five-plus years, they'd have known that traveling and living overseas is dangerous for life-sized people. These inattentive multi-celled fools are now paying the price for their folly. Let them stew on the docks of Tripoli. They're getting what they deserve.

Back at home, thousands of oocytes and their allies screamed “Oh Oh!” when talk of expanding stem-cell research echoed through the halls of Congress. George W. Bush, his ear tightly placed against the buttocks of Christian conservatives, heard their tiny little screams and, with great fanfare, vetoed a bill that would have killed the helpless little yokels.

Unlike those fancy “scientists,” and “doctors,” and “researchers,” our wise President understands that eggs will always trump people. Eggs can't investigate illegal wiretaps against American citizens. Eggs can't point a finger at the civil war that's raging in Iraq. And most importantly, eggs can't say s*** at G-8 conferences.

One day, when those eggs never grow up and never become anything, their supporters can proudly point to the hour when George Bush stood up against that self-serving cabal of Alzheimer's patients, diabetes sufferers, and severed spinal cord victims, and wielded his first veto.

One day, when those intrepid eggs just keep sitting there and never take the SATs or never try to feel up Maggie at the senior prom, we as Americans can tell our children of the day when our courageous President took on the forces of evil, of those who dare to make life better for the living.

And one day, when all Americansw are evacuated out of Lebanon, we can greet their return to our shores with well-deserved disdain and indifference.

Because they're not eggs. Damn them all.

Phil Lebovits is a writer in New York City and has many many cells.

HIGH SUMMER

i am a summer person. all the other seasons have their charms, but i thrive when the thermometer passes 72, and absolutely flourish when the outside air matches my body temp (i'm one of those 97 degree metabolizers...so heat-haters get a degree or two break with me). i love the slipperysweat when the world slows down to a New Orleans 2nd line shuffle tempo...when a cold glass of water after stickysleazysex is the most delicious thing you have ever tasted.

summers in Ohio were/are fantastic...searing heat cut with violent thunderstorms...bipolar weather that keeps you guessing re: shorts?/parka?/umbrella?/waders?/scuba gear?/nude?. and growing up poor meant i had no air conditioning - an experience that makes me good in Europe/contemptuous of folks who don't like to sweat/appreciative of motel rooms equipped with same. summers in NYC are equally extreme...the city gives off so much heat that little micro-weather cells form almost neighborhood-by-neighborhood (a pocket of rain over Weehawken, but Manhattan between 34th and 42nd is a egg-fry-on-sidewalk-griddle-hot).

air con also has another thing against it for me. i've always lived in apartments here, and if by chance they'd come with A.C., i had to contend with the gag-inducing olfactory presence of the previous renters entire smell-o-rama because nobody ever cleans these damn machines. on West 11th, the previous tenants were Latino, so flipping on the A.C. filled the place with the smell of roast pig/cigars/King Pine disinfectant. Baltic St. in Brooklyn gave me a tour of PCP-dosed pot/incense/fried brown rice. but Adams St. in Hoboken was the worst...cat shit/baby shit....and the most noxious and impossible-to-get-out-of-your-clothes stink:

Old Lady.



NP: "Cowabunga!"/surf compilation courtesy of new roomie. boning up for the gig this coming Friday at the Lime Spider in Akron with Purple k'niF!

PEEVE DE JOUR: mad day in NYC...brutal heat/only a brief dinner with IOJ and Jr.

ROSATTI'S FLAVOR-OF-THE-DAY:

(July 19th)

Higbees
Chocolate Malted™

OR

Heath Bar™

http://www.rosatisfrozencustard.com/

cb...where are you?






PENISYLVANIA (travel day)

bLiTzScReEd SATURDAY!

(a smattering of stuff i've received thru the week)

- from Andy in NYC: Sprinkle Genies' video

SNAKES!

- from Keith in the UK - Roy Smeck the Hendrix of the uke:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=-RrsSsu-fDM&search=smeck

- from James Mastro in Hobo: video clips from the Arthur Lee benefit of JM playing with some English guy...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIaJdLsqCEo

- ...and another English guy...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Li3PCEOR6I8

- from Joe McGinty in NYC:

THE SMITHS vs. THE CURE

ONE NIGHT ONLY - THE FINAL SHOW DOWN!!!

THURSDAY NIGHT AUGUST 17th at BOWERY BALLROOM

ORDER ADVANCE TICKETS

YOU THE AUDIENCE WILL DECIDE!!!

If you made it out to the first Losers Lounge Cure vs. The Smiths "battle of the bands" then you know how amazing this show is!

During this run four spectacular shows were performed. The Cure was the clear winner of the two late shows. The Smiths were the definitive winners of the two early shows.

There has been a lot of talk about this show ending in a tie.
So we at The Losers Lounge have decided to settle matters
ONCE AND FOR ALL!



- from R. Stevie Moore in NJ:

Wyatting (vb): when jukeboxes go mad

Ned Beauman
Monday July 10, 2006
The Guardian

Just as the best way to judge an adult is by his or her record collection, the best way to judge a pub is by the albums on its jukebox. Or it was, until the 21st-century caught up with the noisy machine in the corner. There are now nearly 2,000 internet-connected jukeboxes in the UK, each of which can access as many as 2m tracks - and with them has come Wyatting, which is either a fearless act of situationist cultural warfare or a nauseatingly snobbish prank, depending on who you ask.

The phenomenon was first identified in the New York Times by Wendy McClure. She was in a grimy rock bar when someone pulled up Brian Eno's Thursday Afternoon, which consists of a single distant piano phrase repeated for more than an hour, and found herself too mesmerised to leave. "Imagine replacing the brass cylinder in a music box with a Möbius strip made from nerve endings," she wrote. The rest of the bar's patrons , however, were soon in revolt.

This wasn't to be an isolated incident. After music critic Simon Reynolds linked to McClure's article on his weblog, several of his readers wrote in to confess that this is a game they regularly play. Carl Neville, a 36-year-old English teacher from London, coined the term "Wyatting" because sticking on Dondestan, the 1991 avant-garde jazz-rock LP by ex-Soft Machine singer Robert Wyatt, is the perfect way to disrupt a busy Friday night in a high street pub. Other favourites are free-jazz clarinetist Evan Parker and surrealist Japanese noise producer Merzbow. In theoretical terms, Wyatting has been explained as enacting the theories of Adorno, who believed that subverting pop music would help to bring down capitalism. Alternatively, if you listen to Neville, it's simply "childish, futile, but finally hilarious".
Inevitably a backlash has arrived with other bloggers claiming Wyatting is just a way for those who feel superior, both in terms of class and musical taste, to bait those beneath them. But Inspired Broadcast Networks, which run most of the internet jukeboxes in the UK, insists it has not unleashed a monster.

"Most people won't spend money on making the pub an irritating environment," says Anne de Kerckhove, Inspired's chief operating officer. If landlords do have problems with inappropriate selections, she says, it is usually hip-hop with lots of swearing and in that case, "they can kill a track while it's playing and reimburse the customer". Has she thought of limiting the available tracks to those appropriate for drinking and socialising? "The minute we say, 'You can't play that,' then people want to play that. We're all a bit contrarian in nature."

Perhaps Wyatting will be added to flicking peanuts and talking loudly about your sex life as Adorno behaviour. But what about the man after whom this controversial sport was named? "I think it's really funny," says the 61-year-old Robert Wyatt, whose most recent album, Cuckooland, was nominated for the 2004 Mercury music prize. "I'm very honoured at the idea of becoming a verb." Would he ever try it himself? "Oh no. I don't really like disconcerting people. Although often when I try to be normal I disconcert anyway".

- from DG in Akro:

http://www.bishopallen.com/

NP: saddest sound i know - cicadas, which signal that summer is starting to wind down..

PEEVE DE JOUR: my shoulder is killing me...

ROSATTI'S FLAVOR-OF-THE-DAY:

(July 16th)

Higbees
Chocolate Malted™

OR

Drumstik

cb...where are you?






NEW JERSEY

PURPLE k'niF/LOST PATROL GIG

TONIGHT!!

Show starts 8PM sharp!

THE GOLDHAWK
936 Park Ave on the corner of 10th & Park
Hoboken, NJ
201-420-7989
http://hometown.aol.com/goldhawktavern/








8pm/Hard Surf Twang

JOHNNY TEAGLE: '58 Gretsch 6120 in Western Orange
TED LAWRENCE: '62 Fender Jazzmaster in custom shop Blue
BAKER RORICK: '64 Fender Precision Bass in custom shop Candy Apple Red
CHRIS BUTLER: '60 Aquamarine Glass Glitter Premier drums







9pm/Fellini Beach music

THE ALICE DESPARD GROUP (from DC)/10pm
sorry...don't know a thing about them 'cept Steve says they kill and that's good enough for me!

...and it's always "pass the bucket" at The Goldhawk!

PEEVE DE JOUR: NOTHING...yet, anyway. it's Friday! it's summer! i've got a drum gig tonight! the best...

JOIE DE JOUR: ...and am meeting Esben Sneum tonight at the gig, a Dane who i've known since birth/the son of Jan Sneum = fulltime human...

ROSATTI'S FLAVOR-OF-THE-DAY:

(June 14th)

Almond Joy

cb...where are you?






NEW JERSEY

SURF'S UP!

THE FIRST ANNUAL
LAKE ERIE
SURF GUITAR
FESTIVAL!

FRIDAY, JULY 21st

THE LIME SPIDER
207 S. MAIN ST.
DOWNTOWN AKRON, OHIO

http://www.thelimespider.com/main.htm

DOORS OPEN @ 8PM

with








10 pm

Johnny Teagle: '50's Gretsch 6120 (Walking Clampetts, Lucky Tigers)
Ted Lawrence: '62 Fender Jazzmaster (Supertones, The Human Tornados)
Baker Rorick: '64 Fender Precision Bass (Cool It Reba, The Baxters)
Chris Butler: Premier Drums (Tin Huey, Half Cleveland, The Waitresses)

...in our first area appearance since...well, since we were all born here.

we've been doing this surf band since '92 in the NYC area, and thought it was finally time to bring our brand of Hard Twang home for a show.

- and -







11PM

my NYC pal Steve Massuci brings his "Fellini Beach Party" band for their first Ohio show, too. think Spaghetti Western/Dreamscape/reverb-drenched lusciousness...

http://www.thelostpatrol.com/

9PM GUESTS TBA!

NP: The Raybeats/"Calhoun Surf"

PEEVE DE JOUR: 9PM GUESTS TBA!

ROSATTI'S FLAVOR OF THE DAY:

(July 10th)

Turtle

cb...where are you?






NEW JERSEY

DADA

- Man Ray

DADA RULES
DADA HAS NO RULES
RULES DADA
RULES HAS NO DADA



















- Duchamp

one of my favorite books is "Flight Out of Time: The Autobiography of Hugo Ball". HB was the founder of the Cabaret Voltaire in Zurich/the real Dad of Dada/author of I ZIMBRA (Talking Heads)...and an inspirational figure.

found the book for a buck or two at The Strand in the late '70's, and it's a wonderful description of how a bunch of malcontent WWI draft-dodgers started the most powerful and influencial art movement of the 20th Century.

this book is also the lyrical source for the song i wrote for The Waitresses called "Make The Weather". HB was leading a discussion group where a bunch of artists and workers were recalling their feelings of powerlessness, and HB asked them to say what they would want to do/invent to cure this. "make a button"/"make a button to push all the other buttons"/"make the weather" someone said. great, great line...











- Arp

(aside: Zurich in this time period is the setting for Tom Stoppard’s play “Travesties”, where Lenin, Joyce, Stravinsky, Tzara were all exiled and you know…puttering around while they were all there AT THE SAME TIME with a few minor ideas that really didn’t go any where in the fields of literature, politics, music and visual art.

“I learned three things in Zurich during the war. I wrote them down. Firstly, you're either a revolutionary or you're not, and if you're not you might has well be an artist as anything else. Secondly, if you can't be an artist, you might as well be a revolutionary. I forget the third thing.

-- Henry Carr/”Travesties”)

(aside2: just saw the Dada Exhibit at MoMA. phew. it is beyond anything imaginable, in terms of how 'old' modernism is, and how cool 'cool' can be.

MOMA EXHIBIT blerb:











Responding to the disasters of World War I and to an emerging modern media and machine culture,, Dada artists led a creative revolution that boldly embraced and caustically criticized modernity itself. Proposing innovative strategies of art making, including collage, photomontage, chance, Readymades, performances and media pranks, the movement created an abiding artistic legacy for the century to come. Defiantly international relative to the pervasive nationalism of its day, Dada – active in Berlin, Cologne, Hannover, New York, Paris and Zurich – was the first avant-garde movement to self-consciously position itself as an international network crossing countries and continents.)


http://www.moma.org/exhibitions/2006/dada/index_f.html


NP: WNYC NPR news...trying to catch if the NJ legislature has resolved its budget crisis, which will determine whether or not i have court on Tuesday.

PEEVE DE JOUR: my pal & TSPIK got shitcanned from her dayjob. i am probably more pissed than she is. poor baby, trying so hard...

ROSATTI'S FLAVOR-OF-THE-DAY:

(June 9th)

Higbees
Chocolate Malted

OR

Chocolate Chip

cb...where are you?






NEW JERSEY

JAMES - FOR THE DEFENSE

James Macmillan is a wonderful man. he is now living in Holland with the love of his life, and studying to become a Reverend in the Lutheran church (did i get that right?).

i did not ask his permission to post this, but i hope he does not mind:

"Good morning,

Your peeve-du-jour is very thoughtful, and I appreciate it. I would say, however, post away. You are being honest with your thoughts, and therefore discussion is possible. And if Christianity is true, then it must stand up to examination. Otherwise, it would indeed only be an orbiting teapot, with tempest an available option.

Dogma - Mr. Russell's assertion about dogmatists (and the word dogma has such a deliciously highly negative feeling to it) is in fact his own dogma. Christians state that their dogma is true, Mr. Russell states that his dogma is true. His is obviously better according to him because it is a negative statement dogma rather than a positive statement dogma, but it is dogma all the same. Pot calls kettle black. The idea that God does not exist is just as much an article of faith as the idea that God does exist. You cannot avoid having faith in this area.

"But Christians demand that I believe their dogma." Well, yes, many Christians talk that way. Rather, I hope that coming from me is an invitation to think about it, and if it bears further examination, to give it that thought. Mr. Russell is claiming that his dogma is true, and demands that you believe it instead. It is no different.

There are some facts that bear examination. In a remote corner of the Roman Empire, in the first century AD, or BCE if you prefer, a movement began. This movement began among the Jews, and to join it was not only to risk death at the hands of the Romans, but also to believe in things that were absolutely contrary to first century Semitic culture. To join was to step outside of their culture in a way that was far more profound than anything we have in our culture in the 21st century western world. Why did they believe at the risk of their lives and families? Why did this movement grow over 300 years to the point that it became the official religion of the Roman Empire in the early 300's? And, in the understatement of the year, it got bigger after that. This is not a teapot. This is a movement that changed the world, and changes people's lived daily, including mine. And in it's pure form, free of politics and manipulation, it is beautiful.

I had a great running joke with the Fear of Falling guys [nb - an band James and i recorded] - my best repeat clients at Water Music. They came in for the second project, and I said "This time I really know what I am doing." Indeed, I had learned a lot about recording since our first effort, and I was a better engineer. I could look back and see shortcomings in my earlier time. They came back for a third project, and I said "This time I REALLY know what I am doing." Ask Stengel, it was a great joke. But it was also true. I had learned more, and was a better engineer. ( A lot of it because of you :-)

And now I'm 50, and I look back at where I was in my life 5 years ago, and I think "I was an idiot then, I know so much more now." This, while being a sign of continuing growth, carries with it a corollary - Todays wiser man is an idiot in 5 years. OK Dutch boy, what's your point?

From your blog - "if you find yourself in trouble, you get the same result if you pray to that china teapot or pray to that "god" for some kind of intercession in your affairs...nothing."

You prayed for something and got nothing. Or perhaps, could we say that you didn't get what you asked for? I ask you to consider the following...

If God exists, and is the creator of the universe, and runs it all without effort (and so He is described in the Bible) then He is one big time smart dude (ok, new candidate for understatement of the year). If He is that smart dude, then He is smarter than you or me. Definitely me at any rate. When you ask Him to give you something and He doesn't, is it possible that He knows something that you don't?

Your son sees something that he wants. He wants it, oh he wants it. Dad won't give it to him. Junior cries. Dad won't give it to him. Junior screams, dad won't give it to him. Junior has a fit, and tells dad "You don't love me." Junior is sent to his room. Dad goes back to trying to decide on flatware. Dad knows better than Junior. That doesn't change the fact that Junior wanted whatever it was. It doesn't change the fact that Junior's desire for it was sincere, or that it was passionate. But it wasn't the time for his first gin rickey, or an ice cream cone, or that pan was too hot, or the elevator shaft was empty, or whatever. Dad loves him, and wouldn't give it to him. Possible situation? Junior being upset is his unwillingness or inability or combination thereof to admit/understand that Dad knows more than him.

When God doesn't answer a prayer that you ask in the way that you want, are you writing Him off because He didn't jump through a hoop that you set up? Can the creator of the universe know more than you? You yourself will see the present time with much more wisdom in the future, when you REALLY know what you are doing."

OUR CHINA TEAPOT, WHICH ART IN ORBIT...

from Ralph in SF:

"Many orthodox people speak as though it were the business of sceptics
to disprove received dogmas rather than of dogmatists to prove them.

This is, of course, a mistake.

If I were to suggest that between the Earth and Mars there is a china
teapot revolving about the sun in an elliptical orbit, nobody would be
able to disprove my assertion provided I were careful to add that the
teapot is too small to be revealed even by our most powerful
telescopes.

But if I were to go on to say that, since my assertion cannot be
disproved, it is intolerable presumption on the part of human reason to
doubt it, I should rightly be thought to be talking nonsense.

If, however, the existence of such a teapot were affirmed in ancient
books, taught as the sacred truth every Sunday, and instilled into the
minds of children at school, hesitation to believe in its existence
would become a mark of eccentricity and entitle the doubter to the
attentions of the psychiatrist in an enlightened age or of the
Inquisitor in an earlier time."

Bertrand Russell, "Is There a God?", 1952


to which i would add:

1) if you find yourself in trouble, you get the same result if you pray to that china teapot or pray to that "god" for some kind of intercession in your affairs...nothing.

2) actually, the teapot is one up on 'god', since it can actually answer one prayer..."help me, oh china teapot...i need a cup of tea".

NP: the BBC re: North Korea's missile tests. eek.

PEEVE DE JOUR: that i might have hurt some deep feelings/offended some wonderful/more-religious friends with the above post.

N.B.A.T.W.P.:

CLEVELAND CINEMATHEQUE

Friday, July 7, at 7:00 pm &
Sunday, July 9, at 8:55 pm

I AM A SEX ADDICT
USA, 2005, Caveh Zahedi

Indie filmmaker Caveh Zahedi (A Little Stiff, I Don’t Hate Las Vegas Anymore) has a knack for humiliating himself on camera in revealing autobiographical movies. (If you were one of the few to see the unforgettable I Don't Hate Las Vegas Anymore at the Cleveland Museum of Art a few years ago, you know what we're talking about!) His latest cinematic confession, made on the eve of his third marriage, recounts in graphic but disarming detail how his ten-year obsession with prostitutes ruined his previous relationships. It’s an inventive, one-of-a-kind mix of kink, comedy, and culpability. “There's no other film like it…Embarrassingly frank and self-revealing, sometimes funny, sometimes creepy, sometimes both.” –San Francisco Chronicle. Adults only! Cleveland premiere. Beta SP. 98 min.

www.iamasexaddictthemovie.com

CLEVELAND CINEMATHEQUE
11141 East Boulevard
Clevo, OH 44106

(800) 223-4700

http://www.cia.edu/academicResources/cinematheque/cinematheque.php/

ROSATTI'S FLAVOR-OF-THE-DAY:
(July 7th)

Birthday Cake

http://www.rosatisfrozencustard.com/

cb...where are you?






NEWly shutdownhopeitstaysshutdownsoidon'thavetogotodivorcecourtnextTuesdayJERSEY

ARTTUESDAYS - SLIGHT UPDATE

- where i get to play culturevultureweathervane about coolcreative stuff in the Akro/Clevo/Hobo area:

JULY EXHIBIT - NATALIE LANESE/recent works

my pal Bridget Ginley is the curator at AIV@5700 Gallery in Slavic Village, Cleveland.
















BG writes:
Our featured artist for the month of July is Natalie Lanese. This local artist is currently working towards her Master of Fine Arts at Pratt in New York where she attends graduate school. Her current body of work features a focus on collaged images of interior patterns, advertising models and appealing items of consumerist culture. Last summer her works were featured at the NEWSENSE gallery and at BUZZ Gallery. Accepted to Pratt, this former CIA grad has brought back a few highlights from her studies at the institution and these works will be featured at our space for the month of JULY. PLEASE join us this Thursday, July 6 from 5:30 - 8:30pm for an artist's reception for Natalie. Free Parking, snacks and wine - get cultured & support art!

















more imagery, bio and info can be found at her new website
www.natalielanese.com
(w/sexier stuff than can be shown at a community gallery)

This summer AIV will be featuring some of our recent graduates from our local art institutions and art colleges to further support emerging artists who are new to the area, not commerically acceptable. Art in the Village provides a much needed professional, non-profit, non-commerical space to visual artists in the northeast ohio region to showcase their work to the cultural community of greater Cleveland.

THURSDAY JULY 6
from 5:30 - 8:30pm
wine, snacks & free parking

Neighborhood Housing Services of Greater Cleveland

5700 Broadway

Cleveland, Ohio 44127

216-458-4663

Open 9 - 5pm Mon ~ Fri

free parking in back

• NHSGC

PEEVE DE JOUR: TSPIK was gonna send me better pix of N. L.'s stuff. didn't, of course...the gurl has a GREAT swing, but needs to work on her follow-thru. :7

JOIE DE JOUR: NCSP ARRIVEZ!

N.B.A.T.W.P.: see above!

ROSATI'S FLAVOR-OF-THE-DAY:

(July 6th)

Peanut Butter Banana
(An Elvis Favorite!)

http://www.rosatisfrozencustard.com/

cb...where are you?






NEW JERSEY

The Pussball State Log of Near Death Experiences:

today was WHITE-KNUCKLE HIGHWAY all the way to Stroudsburg. rain like you wouldn't believe...swervy trucks/grannies going 12mph WITH NO LIGHTS ON 9.5 hours to drive it. I-80 is THE most MISERABLE PIECE OF ROAD IN ALL THE US of A!!!

NEW PLACE SETTING - UPDATE!

- all Gina-cologist's stuff, 'cept the $1 triangular plates i got at Homer Laughlin & the flatware...more on dems later.


i've been told that - for a straight man - i have a gay man's sense of taste. whatever...i'll cop to fussiness/wanting things 'just so'/a desire for harmony and nice things around me that reinforceprotectshieldsay"hereiam". if that qualifies - okay by me.

i just celebrated my 6th month in my house in Akron (yes, i know B's & G's...there WILL be a house warming party sometime this summer), and i must say it is coming together quite nicely. since i don't have much dough but wanted unique stuff for this place, i've been trying to buy housewares from local artists - in this case, dinnerware from Gina DeSantis.

i first met G. last summer when she was an intern at Buzz Gallery on W. 25th, and she was first choice to save me from paperplates and mismatched Ikea glassware. and along the way, i got to learn something about ceramics for which i am also grateful. also along the way, she grabbed her MFA at Kent State, worked her heiny off...yet still managed to come thru with nice stuff in a timely fashion.

Gina's blog is: http://clevelandgrl.blogspot.com//

and she will be August's Artist Of The Month at AIV@5700: http://aiv5700gallery.blogspot.com/

GO. LOOK. BUY.

FIRST MEAL!


- prime Club steaks from The West Point Market
- DeCecco (only DC @ DG!) linguine fine w/ butter & parsley
- salad-in-a-bag-poured-out-of-the-bag and splashed w/some sesame goo from Trader Joes's
- some cheapo but drinkable Aussie shiraz
- Stubb's BBQ sauce.

BUT:

i HATE THAT CRAPPY FLATWARE...five bucks for like 41 pieces at a garage sale/flimsy/Chinese plastic junk. the color works, but eeeewwwwwww...

so here's the deal - these are links to some flatware i'm considering. i could use some advise on which one looks best with the above stoneware:

(aside: The Smartest Person I Know has suggested i use hyperlinks - good advice!)

1) Copper worms


2) Fiestaware (in Shamrock green)


3) Copper Applaud


4) Odin Puttyknife


leave me a comment with your opinion. 'k?, and/or vote by number, if you wish.

FLASH! James from Holland has carefully written (bedankt!) an indepth analysis of The Problem:

Greetings, CHRIS BUTLER!

Our rating system -

Our panel of experts has looked at CHRIS BUTLER'S individual requirements for flatware and come up with the following criteria and rating system. This has been custom made for you, CHRIS BUTLER.

Style - how will it look while I'm hovering around the table preparing dinner and funneling cheap wine down my (and hopefully my date's) throat ?

Color - does it fit with my dishes? does it say CHRIS BUTLER is a man of taste, flair, creativity, and yet intellectually discontented?

Functionality - I still need to eat

Finally, in recognition of the sad fact that we spend a lot more time not eating than eating, appearance is given 2/3 if the total score, and functionality 1/3.

Scale of 1 - 5
5 = My straight flatware beats your gay flatware
4 = Don't you like my flatware?
3 = Dinner is served!
2 = Sorry about the flatware, but I stole it from my high school cafeteria.
1 = In my country we eat with our hands

And now, the contenders...

Earthworms

Style 4 (but are they earthworms?) Color 3 (warm, striped)

Functionality 4 (good handles with "You can't drop 'em" textured grip, eating surfaces intelligently designed)

Red Sails in the Sunset ( I couldn't grab the pic)

Style 4 (groovy, and the slanted red line at the top reminds me of a those slanted sashes that ambassadors from anonymous eastern european countries wore over a tuxedo with tails in old movies, but not in a bad way, and how about those mustaches?)

Color 5 (if you like eating with a fire truck (and I do), but it won't go with ketchup (which I don't eat))

Functionality 4 (spoons are too round, see danger cited below in copper)

Copperheads

Style 2 (those forks look so severe, the knife looks topheavy)

Color 4 (the word I'm getting here is BURNISHED)

Functionality 1 (handles too thin, causing hand strain and shaking halfway through second club steak, spoons too round, mouth must open too far, jaw can lock up during conversation with date, causing confusion, possible panic, and eventual departure)

Putty knives 'n' popsicle sticks, with circular background, by Dansk

Style 5 (they've got style)

Color 3 (it works with everything except that gold lamé vest you've been saving for the 10th annual Liberace spring reunion hayride and boy bounce)

Functionality 2 (handles too thin, see copperheads above for consequences, fork tines too thick to allow forking of cheap meat bought in times of privation between top 40 hits, knife is almost rectangular with apparently no sharp edges - perhaps in tribute to the (currently unemployed with guards around his house) editor of the now infamous Danish newspaper in the cartoon scandals, or perhaps in harmony with Danish economic policy that helps everyone equally without actually cutting meat, the spoons look very useful)

and now the moment you've been waiting for - the scores

Earthworms 11
Red Sails in the Sunset 13
Copperheads 7
Puttyknives 'n' popsicle sticks, with circular background, by Dansk 10

And so, our winner -

RED SAILS IN THE SUNSET

Would you care for another glass of Shiraz?

NP: "Dean Martin: The One & Only" - PBS special. anyone else love "Kiss Me, Stupid" as much as i do?

PEEVE DE JOUR: more thunderstorms. and more thunderstorms.

ROSATTI'S FLAVOR-OF-THE-DAY:

(July 3rd)

Tin Roof

cb...where are you??






SOGGY OHIO