IF I'M SO SMART...

MINE: prototype for metronome headphones


back in the mid '80's, i decided to take up playing drums again. they were my first instrument, and i had reached a point where playing guitar was simply not fun anymore. banging around on a drum kit is the most fun i've ever had w/music...so i got me a used kit via a classified ad in The Village Voice.

now, the best way to practice is with a metronome - this improves one sense of 'time' (tho this basic tenet of the percussionist's job is often lacking in most drummers...go figure?). the problem is - how exactly to get the puny sound level output of most metronomes loud enuff to be heard of the noise of the kit? i tried various schemes for this: rigged up a complicated system of Oberheim DMX drum machine/amp/headphones, which was cumbersome and too much work. then one day, i was in a Sam Ash and they were blowing out these headphones w/a built-in gain stage for practicing guitar. bingo! - i took my crappy metronome and strapped it to the yolk of the headphones and the result was a lightweight/loud device that did the do. i began to think that this invention might be a product i could market. i worked out a blurb, gave it a name (Clik-In-A-Can...'cans' being studio slang for headphones), and came up with a wish list of features that i knew drummers wanted/would make my creation a 'must-have':

- high-quality isolation 'phones to block out the noise of the kit
- a sweepable tempo range with one beat-per-minute increments (since commercial metronomes often used fixed tempos that are fine for the classical world, but don't reflect the 'feel' factor of popular music)
- an output so the click can be transferred to a recording device
- a digital readout for displaying the tempo
- an input jack so the 'phones can be used as standard studio headphones
- a volume control
- 9-volt battery powered

i wrote all this out, sent it to myself as a certified letter (still unopened to this day!) and sought out the advice of someone who does this fulltime.

Richard Factor runs Eventide - one of the premier nameplates of high-end recording studio signal processing devices. he was intrigued with the idea, but then gave me the reality of patents and equipment manufacturing: don't bother unless you want to spend years and zillions defending your patent in court, since 'busting patents' and knock-offs is what passes for 'business' in the musical gear area.

(aside: he also didn't think much of my idea of mathematically/algorithmically modeling old desirable-but-expensive compressors and signal processors (like 1176's or PULTEC tube eq's) - "no engineer will believe it," he said...nevermind that i had just invented the world of the software 'plug-in' that is now standard in the computer-based musical recording industry.)

so i kept my little idea to myself, continuing to use them and urged my drummer pals to make their own. ah well, i thought... another hair-brained scheme that proved once again that i was out-of-touch with The Real World:



















THEIRS
..................
METROPHONE FEATURES:

1. Two separate speaker systems (Metronome & Reference)
2. Reference sound from any audio source (line-in). 9' Removable stereo cable (3.5mm X 1/4")
3. Speaker Frequency Response 15-25000 Hz
4. Send Click Out (line-out)
5. Liquid filled cushions for isolation from ambient sound
6. 29dB Isolation Adjustable headband
7. Built-in metronome system with On/Off switch and Volume control
8. Click line out via 2.5mm jack
9. Tempo range 40-260 beats/minute in one BPM increments
10. 9 volt battery powered/included
11. Digital Read-out

! ! ! ! !

needless to say, this was the LAST TIME i let anyone dissuade me from following up on an idea...and that includes continuing to publish this blog.

NP: Kris Kristofferson/”Don’t Let The Bastards Get You Down”

PEEVE DE JOUR: Chase Bank treating one of their own cashier's checks as a private check = i have no dough to live on...

THE SACHSENHEIM

"in heaven, there is no...art?"







Greg Mason is a new Clevo friend w/many irons in the fire...the biggest is an old German beer hall/function room building on Clevo's West Side that he periodically stuffs with bands/performances/visual art/anything interesting.

the next big event:

THURSDAY, APRIL 20, 2006
http://www.myspace.com/sachsenheimball

MIFUNE http://www.mifunemusic.com
CARLOS JONES & THE PLUS BAND http://www.carlosjones.com
JP AND THE CHATFIELD BOYS http://www.jpandthechatfieldboys.com
NEIL CHASTAIN http://www.myspace.com/pureplex
UP ENSEMBLE http://www.up-ensemble.com
VIBROSPHERE
SMILEY BALDAZAR http://www.smileybaldazar.com
SULTANS OF BING http://www.sultansofbing.com
KEVIN MCCARTHY http://www.corkmusic.com
XE LA http://www.luvmutha.com
MOD QUAD http://www.compassnow.com/modQuad
JIMILLER BAND http://www.jimiller.com
WATERBAND http://www.myspace.com/dreadlockdave
THE CARIBOU FOOT http://www.cariboufoot.com
THE ECHO CANYON PLAYERS http://www.echocanyonplayers.com
THE GROOVE PROPHETS http://www.myspace.com/thegrooveprophets
DC & THE CONTINENTALS
CUYUGA http://www.cuyuga.net
HOT SAUCE GRAVY http://www.jambase.com/search.asp?and=hot+sauce>
NEWPORT http://www.myspace.com/wwwmyspacecomnewport
CHASE THE TALE http://www.myspace.com/chasethetale
RYANN ANDERSON http://www.myspace.com/ryannguitaranderson
CORINNE & FRIENDS http://www.scanlonart.com/Music/0602CNani6.gif
JANE DOUGH http://www.myspace.com/janedoughrocks
JOHN WELTON
DANNY LONGHAIR
WILLY MAC
E-ROC

SACHSENHEIM http://www.sachsenheim.us
7001 Denison Avenue
Cleveland, OH 44102
(216) 651-0888

21+. $12 adv, $15 dos. Show starts at 4:30 PM.

NP: "CABARET" soundtrack
PEEVE DE JOUR: too busy today to hate...

MY ATTORNEY...

...did suggest that if i limited my posts to, you know...nice things (like puppies, flowers and buttlerflies???), then i'd be okay.

SO:

puppies...











flowers...












butterfly


NP: DEVO/"IT'S A BEAUTIFUL WORLD"

PEEVE DE JOUR: re: Madam Buttlerfly...you know i would if i could, but i can't post her as nature intended.

PLUG PULLED

THIS BLOG HAS BEEN VOLUNTARILY SHUT DOWN BECAUSE EVERYTHING, AND I MEAN EVERYTHING ON IT - NO MATTER HOW PLAYFUL/INTERESTING/LOVING/FUN/CREATIVE - WILL BE BE USED AGAINST ME IN A DIVORCE.

I AM PISSED BEYOND EXPRESSION THAT AN ATTORNEY AND HER CLIENT CAN USE THE LEGAL SYSTEM IN SUCH A VISCIOUS, VENAL AND MEAN-SPIRITED WAY. THIS IS APPALLING BEHAVIOR ON THEIR PART, BUT I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO CENSOR MYSELF TO PROTECT MYSELF.

HOPEFULLY, I WILL BE ABLE TO RESUME WHAT HAS BECOME A PLEASANT PART OF MY DAY, AND HOPEFULLY A PLEASANT PART OF YOURS.

best...

cbutler

ARTTUESDAYS

- where i get to play culturevultureweathervane and tip y'all off to cool creative stuff in the Akro/Clevo/Hobo area.


KD as Liberace in the Greenwich Village Halloween Parade

Kris Drago is one of my favorite people - the gurl has no fear/mucho talent in multiple media/quicknimble wit/an Animal Rescue Army of One. as an artist, she's fun...as fun, she's an artist. recently, KD showed a piece at the Elise Mankes Studio in Marblehead, MA:













her piece:



















behind the horsehair are a series of found '40's photos of a woman doing a horse. (am debating how/whether or not to post this...they are pretty raw. maybe email me, and i can grant you access thru Flickr??)

Link to photos of the entire show: http://snapdog.com/enshow/index.htm

NP: Cliff Nobles/"The Horse"
PEEVE DE JOUR: self-censorship/fear of being kicked off Blogger for posting 'naughty art'...grrrrr.

MONDAY MEDS: Shooting Blanks/PART DEUX

POST OP:

I love it when they send you home after a major surgery with a few Tylenol w/ codeine and some vague instructions about putting ice...on your nuts??? First off - due to my bizarre body chemistry – opiates/Vicodin/Percocet/Anycetdin do NOT work on me unless laid on in massive (bordering toxic) doses. Second off - this is what they don’t tell you about getting a vasectomy: you are a lineman who just got blitzlucky and ran up to block a 54-yard field goal attempt by the NFL’s leading kicker…only he misses the ball and nails you in the ‘nads full fucking force.

…and for two weeks you are trying to live a normal life with two throbbing GRAPEFRUITS dangling between your legs. Needless to say, you also have to “refrain from any form of sexual activity” because 1) duh…it hurts too much, and 2) the little seedsofyourloins are so damn smart that they will jump the gap in your severed vas deferens until the ends seal over.

But eventually, the swelling does go away (slowly), and one starts thinking about resuming “a.f.o.s.a.”…but again…one is not ‘officially’ a certified non-breeder until the Doc sez so. Six weeks after the operation, it’s back to Dr. Chin, and one’s idea of maybe an ultrasound/blood test/something to verify one’s sterility gets laffed at…because there is only one way for this to happen, and it’s the good old-fashioned way, B’s & G’s.

(aside) about a year ago I had jokingly written in an email to an OOMA that I had ejaculated into a baggie in her honor: this was calculated to piss off her current Sig Other who was monitoring her online activity. Ha ha. Make it an art project and prove my lust for her with one day presenting her with a zillion of these things –dated/annotated with which fantasy resulted in the climax/rate ‘em, too. ALL A GAG/NEVER HAPPENED.

But life imitates art (even imaginary art)…’cause I have just been shown into an examining room with a sample container and a…Playboy? How…um…wholesome! No Double D’s? No pix of a naked Jenna Jameson? Do they want me to be in here all day?

Well, the business gets done one way or another, and I walk out into the hallway of this sprawling urology clinic with my container of spunk and…there’s no one there. I go from room to room looking for someone to give my sample to, but everyone seems to have split for lunch. Feeling utterly ridiculous, I do what any humiliated American male would do = put the sample on the receptionist’s desk, write a note…and get the hell out of there.

AFTER THOUGHTS:

- glad I did it

- wish I hadn’t done it, ‘cause as a 56-year-old involuntary bachelor, the fantastic but unattached/childless women I now meet are hearing that ROAR-ticking of the old biological clock…and I have just most likely ex’ed myself out of consideration. as previously noted, when it comes to The Mating Dance, i have two left feet...even when i try to get it right, i get it wrong.

- I am now thought of as ‘safe’ by my (few) partners…but there is also one who are SAD about this. My shrink told me that some women (in her opinion – “real women”) NEED/WANT the frisson of the possibility of becoming pregnant to make sex more intimate and intense. I dunno…have really come to appreciate Freud more and more…but I dunno.

I have officially flipped the bird to the first of the biological imperatives I listed last week. I feel free from at least one of the cycles of nature that can cause joy if a child is wanted, pain and misery if the child is not. But it’s now dawned on me that that leaves only the second biological imperative…and there is no operation that can short-circuit that one.

NP: WNYC Brian Lehrer's show
PEEVE DE JOUR: no time no time no time

PURPLE k'niF

Surf's up...or it is every few years or so. four Buckeyes whose closest brush with "surf" is as the mate of "turf". vocals?...we don't need no stinkin' vocals! 100% instrumental American hot rod classics /Raybeats/Australian weird Egyptomodal/Link Wray/Ventures/The Shadows/plus our own swipes at the genre. gearheads having period-correct vintage tar beach party...

TED LAWRENCE - CANTON
('63 Fender Jazzmaster/
blackface Fender Pro Amp)

.

JOHN TEAGLE - AKRON
('59 Gretsch 6120/blackface Fender Vibrolux)

CB - CLEVELAND
('65-'66 Premiers in Mahogany Duroplast
a/k/a "Root Beer Swirl"/Lokfast hardware)

BAKER RORICK - TOLEDO
('63 Fender P-Bass/'60's Ampeg SVT)

the name?...it's a Clevo thing, beezers & geezers.

NP: THE SHADOWS/"THE RISE AND FALL OF FLINGEL BLUNT"
PEEVE DE JOUR: why only every few years??

IT'S OFFICIALLY SPRING...

...when there's asparagus at the A & P.


LL COOL LCMB models the first bloom of the season.

Hair by B. Jones of London. Veg by Delmonte.

NP: The Mothers of Invention/"Call Any Vegetable"
PEEVE DE JOUR: stuff is still $3.99 a pound.

LIES, DAMN LIES AND...

ANOTHER LIE.

PENNcilneck/fucking I-80 never gonna be finished/scrap metal scrap metal! in the middle of the roadway/swervy truckers high on god knows what crankycracky/"World's Worst Apple Pie" and proud of it/the Lar d'Ass family at the Iron Skillet buffet daintylyeversodaintyly picking thru the piles of fried chicken for that perfect piece to stuffbonesandall into their drooling gobs/detours that strand a thousand cars in a cornfield everyone scratching their heads whathefuck?/Arlen Spector/Rick Santorum/anti a woman's right to anything/Iron City beer headache-in-a-can/goddam Steelers/Three Mile Island/long long miles and miles of long/Brenda my fav waitress at Milesburg finally gets fired for telling people that the corn sidedish sucks*/back and forth i go just like a Duncan yo-yo/Hamburger Highway during deer season the poor dears are spooked onto the roadway and splat! Bambi King/freak ice storms on a clear night 300 cars slide off into the median strip it takes 5 hours for a salt truck to come and then they kick us all off at an exit that was only a 1/4 of a mile away!/sweetsexy Narayi busting her butt to stay sane in Slippery Rock whan she is sssssoooooooooooooo not made for there/another detour to nowhere road is two lane paved then one lane paved then dirt then no road in the woods at night i had just seen Blair Witch omigod what can i burn for heat my drums?/forth and back forth and back/hellhead due to OOMA u knuckleheadgurl i exist and i mean you no harm/almost 60k mile on a car that ain't even 3 years old/SLVAIN-SYVAIN-IA

...but then there's Falling Water.











FALLING WATER INFO: http://www.paconserve.org/index-fw1.asp

*UPDATE: as of my last trip back to Ohiya, Brenda is back at the Milesburg Buckhorn, dishing up sarcasm & confrontational humor. she is a performance artist, and makes those truckers first go huh? then smile. she makes the drive dealwithable. i love you, Brenda...and yes, the corn sidedish does truly suck.

NP - "Stand-Ins For Decibels"/a dB's tribute record i play on

PEEVE DE JOUR: DON'T YOU KNOW??? CAN'T YOU TELL???

WRECKLESS ERIC

Lime Spider/Akron, OH/ 3-22-06
with Thee Difficult & The Same Things

i met Eric Goulden in the late '70's (early '80's?) at Stiff Records in London: great songwriter/a charming gent/bit of a sot at the time. i had come over on a mission - i was determined to get my royalties for The Waitresses' songs on The Akron Compilation. Stiff was unbelievably successful...which was easy to do when you don't pay anybody. when we signed with them, it was all 'cowboy music biz' - "contract? sure!...write your own, and we'll sign it!" - which was also easy to do since they never had any intention of honoring anything you came up with. i walked in the door, breezed past the flak-catcher Phillipa (later Eric's wife) with ridiculous ease. what the fuck? i was ushered in to Paul Conroy's office, assertively demanded my royalties...to which he promptly wrote a check for 150 pounds. again...what the fuck? too easy. well, there ya go, i thought...a Yank with brass balls can even get the most slippery UK record company to do the right thing.

later at the pub Eric, explained to me that Madness (with their entire rudeskinheadbovverboy entourage) had been in a few days before demanding their royalties...and that there had been a nasty punch-up with the police involved. The Stiff folks were simply trying to avoid another spot of unpleasantness.

Ta, Eric. and Ta, Madness.













WE with Amy Rigby as guest chantoozee

Bongo Bob contemplates the nuances of the performance, while Derf things of 347 ways of causing Your Intrepid Reporter great pain.

Wreckless Eric/Official Home Page: http://www.wrecklesseric.com/
um...which appears to be dysfunctional (how apropos).
info at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wreckless_Eric

Amy Rigby/Official Home Page: http://www.amyrigby.com/

HEAR SOME OF "RECONNEZ CHERIE" LIVE



NP: Wreckless Eric/"The Whole Wide World" and "Fuck-by-Fuck-by-Fuck" & Amy Rigby/"I Don't Want To Talk About Love No More"

PEEVE DE JOUR: the drive thru Pennsylneckvania i've gotta do on like 4 hours sleep

IF YOU WANT TO CATCH A BIRD...

- DON'T BUILD A TRAP...BUILD A NEST.

a wise friend told me that once. well, this is my 'nest'. it's back in Ohio where i'm originally from, and it's the first house i've ever owned. i bought this place to be close to old pals & family, have a decent place to work, investment/retirement (i call it Dun Giggen!) ...and maybe, just maybe...catch me a bird.

In general, tho, i've never had much truck with this cosmic, spiritual crap, but i will swear on a stack o' Bibles, Korans & Torahs that in 1989, i saw a ghost in a Parisian hotel room at 3am.

really.

which brings up the subject of hauntings. you see, this house has a bit of a history, and some real nasty shit happened here a long time ago (a discussion for another time...but only if you're very, very good boys & girls). i took possession on Dec. 21st, '05...and another wise friend commented yesterday about that other type of 'possession' in regards to an awful row with an O.O.M.A..

i am prone to feelings of abandonment due to my fucked-upbringing (and being a grownup demands that one deal with that stuff square on) but considering that i'm in the middle of a divorce, am trying to live both in Ohio and the NYC area at the same time, my 85-year-old mother ain't doing so hot and that i've got a form of bladder cancer...i think i'm doing rather well under the circustances. but ever since i moved in here, those feelings of abandonment and "separation anxiety" have become more and more intense. A + "s. a." = RAGE, and no apologies for feeling it. i can cope (until i can't) with a lot of bad behavior from people, but take me for granted/not make time for me/blow me off/etc. ... and i get justifiably and royally pissed. mea culpa, of course, tho there are good, solid, real-life reasons for this (see all of the above) vs. going off into Hoodooland. the house is also in the goddam woods...i should be surprised that it can get a little lonely? i am also totally unsophisticated and inexperienced re: The Mating Dance...can't blame a fuckin' house for that, can ya? but loneliness and abandonment and rage and the denial of love led to real horror here...is it still in the walls?...hiding under the bed? In the comode, most likely. and is my 'no apologies for anger' policy just playing into the hands of some evil haint? i've been told by many a well-meaner that i should have the house 'cleaned'.

dunno...it couldn't hurt.

still waiting for that bunch of sage i was promised, O.O.M.A..

NP - Kinks/"I'm Not Like Anybody Else" on infinite repeat...tho maybe it should be Bauhaus' "Dark Entries"

PEEVE DE JOUR: the calendar sez Spring, but the Weatherman sez snow...

ARTTUESDAYS

- where i get to play culturevultureweathervane and tip y'all off to cool creative stuff in the Akro/Clevo/Hobo area.















OPENING AT A CURB NEAR Ü - Gallery Ühaul

Patsy Kline is one smart woman. When her Gallery Ü got bumped last December from downtown Cleveland's ArtCade, she put her ‘space’ on wheels. The first of her themed mobile art exhibitions debuted…er…parked outside of The Inside-Outside Gallery on March 10th.

CoolCleveland.com’s Lee Batdorff writes:

“Then I visited the U-haul truck outside. I was surprised to find Patsy Kline, owner of Gallery Ü in the Artcade Downtown presenting "Gallery Ühaul - Don’t Look Back: Site-Specific Works".

There were several pieces of ethereal sculptures and paintings along one wall of the well-lit cargo space. The main work was a video projected on the front wall of the cargo space in a way I was unable to determine at my passing glance. The video was a maniacal loop taken from the view out the windshield of an automobile traveling the loops of the I-271-Mayfield Road interchange in Mayfield Heights. Having gone through this interchange many times I readily recognized apartment buildings and signs as they whizzed by.

The video installation by R Ferris, oil paintings by Michael McNamara, and sculpture installation by Steven B. Smith.

Ms. Kline said that Gallery Ü in the Artcade has been replaced with a sports bar type place. I can imaging the fun Patsy will have taking art to people with Gallery Ühaul this summer.”

…but you won’t have to wait for summer - the next Gallery Ühaul location/installation will be in front of Brandt Gallery on April 14th during the Tremont Art Walk.

For more info, click here: http://galleryucleveland.blogspot.com/

NP: Stravinsky's "Rites of Spring"/Cleveland Orchestra/Maazel (ummm...greensexstirrings!)

PEEVE DE JOUR: speed traps on I-77, and my radar detector isn't-ing.

MONDAY MEDS: Shooting Blanks

- the first in a short series chronicling my banged-up body.







There are only two things any living organism HAS to do:

1) keep the Life Game going by reproducing
2) check out when The Game is over…a/k/a ‘dying’.

That’s it. Full stop. Everything else is arbitrary.

There’s also a corollary to these – The Game is bigger than one’s puny opinion or understanding of it. There are always big forces at work/big wheels turning that one can’t see until they choose to make themselves known.

For most of my life, I’ve wrestled with Number 1 = NO BABIES; not for me, doomed genes, no Father Imperative, bad family patterns I didn’t want to perpetuate, life in this shitty world being a horrible thing to inflict on a child, my way of saying ‘fuck you’ to the Universe, hated the little buggers, etc. The corollary kicked in in 1999, when the stork brought a cool little guy into my life (under questionable circumstances…but that’s another story).

And then I find myself not-by-choice suddenly single, and the old defiance kicks back in…and I decide it’s time to get a vasectomy. Dunno…a way to take back control of at least a part of my life? The ultimate expression of my new, seething anger at all women? Whatever…a quick phone call to a Dr. Chin in North Jersey, and I’ve got a date for a neutering.

The first thing you notice about the operating room is that it’s freezing in there. “Helps stop infection and encourages blood to clot,” Dr. Chin sez…tho the procedure is advertised as No Scalpel (a marketing trick…since this sez nothing about surgical scissors). Then there are the restraints (um…restraints?...for an elective operation?), in case I chicken out/start to flop around/something. Finally there’s the radio – loud, distorted, spewing happy disco. ”Celebrate good times, c’mon!” - the hot Latina nurse sings along as she grabs my rig in preparation for…shaving. Her touch is gentle and can’t help but be erotic, and I’m now very grateful that it’s cold in here. Shave, shave, shave…”Smooth” comes on, and the irony makes everyone chuckle. Finally, Dr, Chin makes a grand entrance trailing a clutch of female student doctors (you have gotten the picture that I am restrained and completely exposed…right?).

And so as Madonna coos “Holiday” (snip) (ouch) (sew) I officially become a Non-Breeder.

(to be continued next Monday)

NP: Robert Wyatt/Theatre Royal Drury Lane/Sept. '74

PEEVE DE JOUR: Art Gurls who wiggle their way into your life...then disappear/still ask for favors/never follow thru on anything...then get pissed off when you bug-out about any of this...

THE BLAINE IN THE PLANE STAYED MAINLY IN THE...POCKET

STICK MAN

i play drums. not too badly either...i can do an excellent Mod-era Keith Moon, a convincing Charlie Watts and a better-than-expected-for-a-whiteboy Al Jackson, too. i grew up in Clevo listening to AM radio, and realized early i was a drummer. the problem was that after badgering my parents for a drum set (Slingerland with calf heads and a stoopid rare confetti wrap), it was pretty evident that i sucked. i would bang along with the radio, just butchering every tune the DJ played. but one day, KYW played He's A Rebel, and i matched the drummer's boom-ba-boom-blap perfectly. epiphany! then a few weeks later, i won a dance contest at middle school doing some spastic shambling movement to Surfer's Stomp. my prize was a Beach Boys Surfin' Safari LP.

what these things all have in common is that the drummer on all these tunes (and the album) was the same guy - Hal Blaine of the amazing Wrecking Crew. now flash forward to last Tuesday - i just got on a plane leaving LA and there's this geezer in my friggin' seat. "28A?" "No, man 28C." no problem, we work it out...and when we introduce ourselves - it's Hal Blaine. i get four hours of anecdotes and dirty jokes, and among other things learned that:

- the session musicians nicknamed Sonny Bono "Sonny Bonehead"
- playing on all the Rat Pack recordings was one big party (i'm shocked)
- John Denver was everyone's favorite gig 'cause he was a genine nice guy
- Brian Wilson's Smile was "less than genius...shit, actually"

you wuddah been proud of me - i never asked him which model sticks he uses.

NP: "Da Doo Ron Ron"

PEEVE DE JOUR: 50 cycle hum in all my audio signal paths...